Tuesday, August 16th, 2022 19:13:30

Unhappily Happening

Updated: October 15, 2014 2:17 pm

SECULAR Satiricus is so sad. Not that he did not know it keeps unhappily happening. Still it pains his secular soul to see these hateful Hindus making hate speeches against Muslim this, that and the other— like, for instance, Madrassas. Take this Sakshi Maharaj fellow. The other day he came up with the cussed communal canard that “education of terrorism is being given in Madrassas”….which “are making them terrorists and Jihadist.” How utterly butterly untrue. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the Quranic truth, as righteously revealed by Qazi Sajidin, chairman of UP Madrassa Education Board, is that “Madrassas are (more) nationalist than any other educational institute in the country”

Of course, of course! And of course it follows that if the Madrassas are the most nationalist schools their Taliban are the most nationalist Indians—Wait, wait! Don’t misunderstand. Satiricus is only using the literal meaning of the word—“students”. If there are people who think the Taliban produced by Madrassas are direly different, what can the dictionary do about it?

Shockingly for secular Satiricus, such pernicious people include not only born-again communalists like this mean-minded malicious moronic Maharaj but even united progressive alliance of secularists that was the government till just the other day. Believe it or not, in the wake of the Kargil War its prime minister had set up a Task Force on Internal Security to find out why what happened. And what did it find? Its report “noted with concern the rapid spread of Madrassas….on almost all borders.” On the Indo-Nepal border….there are 300 Madrassas within 10 km of the border, where “officials of Pak Embassy have come to notice visiting” them…“to strengthen Islamic institutions and to disburse funds to them.”

As if this is not nonsensical enough, the said Task Force not only mentioned “some worrisome developments relating to Madrassas” but even listed these worries. To quote only a couple of them: 1. “Talibanisation of Madrassas is taking place due to spread of fundamentalist ideology….In J-K growth of Madrassas….preceded growth of insurgency.” 2. Madrassas….are reported to be sheltering ISI agents and subversive elements.”

Well, now, what does Satiricus have to say? Satiricus has to say two things. Firstly, this Task Force should have been taken to task for indulging in such imaginary anti-secular communal concoction. And secondly, if, on the other hand, it happened to be true, it obviously certified the nationalist status of our Madrassas in the sense of their devotion to the nation. What is slightly less obvious is—which nation?

To Be Or Not To Be!

SATIRICUS never imagined such a simple thing may actually be so complicated. He is talking about being a Hindu. Satiricus is a Hindu—and that’s that. And because he is a Hindu, Hindutva is the natural essence of his being. What is complicated about that, he asks. Well, he asks because he is an illiterate journo, not a learned professor. Had he been the lucky latter instead of the unfortunate former, he would have understood that his being a Hindu is not enough, he needs to be converted to Hindutva. Does that make sense? If it does not, that only shows he has no sense—unlike that professor who recently wrote a profound piece titled “By converting Hindus to Hindutva”.

To make confusion worse confounded in Satiricus’s bird-brain, the professor calls Hindutva a platform and calls upon the political party called BJP to explain its relationship with it. See ? Had it not been for this precious piece of revealed knowledge, stupid Satiricus would never have known that Hindutva is not the natural essence of his Hinduness but a political ploy. And that is precisely why, as this professor profoundly points out, it is nothing more than just a “claim” when the RSS chief says all Hindustanis are Hindus—and what is worse, when the deputy chief minister of Goa says he is a Christian by religion and a Hindu by culture, he is guilty of “mixing up of nationalism, secular cultural patterns, and faith-based identity”.

Oh, my! So many learned words! Or is that a classic case of saying nothing in so many words? Satiricus is a wordsmith, so he knows that trick. In fact, Satiricus is good at writing nonsense, and now this professor seems to share this expertise. For both agree with that poet who wrote: “Words are like leaves, and where they most abound, much fruit of sense beneath is rarely found.” So thank you, professor, for your rare gem of a piece.

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