Friday, January 27th, 2023 11:08:36

Truth about Gujarat victory

Updated: February 2, 2013 10:33 am

India That Is Bharat


One lives and learns provided one does not believe the fiction that the morning paper disguises as news. For instance, despite the heady headlines about the royal route of Rahul & Co. in the Gujarat election, what was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the Congress truth? It was that the Congress won. That is what stupid and stupefied Satiricus learns from the horse’s mouth. Well, not exactly. Actually that is what he learns from Shri P. Chidambaram, Honourable Finance Minister of the UPA Government of India. Whether or not the two are the same, Satiricus does not know, as he is ignorant of political zoology. Still he must admit that the said minister’s elaborate explanation of the Congress victory in Gujarat indeed illumined the dark recesses of his bird-brain.

Not that PC is not aware of the wretched reports of the pernicious press. On the contrary, “it is true that the BJP has won in the sense that it will form the government,” he graciously granted. Satiricus was truly taken aback. As a voter he was always labouring under the impression that a political party fights an elections with the one and only objective of getting the maximum number of votes so that it can come to power, that is, form the government. But now this dimwit is told that that is the lowly aim of an ordinary political party, not an extraordinary political party like the Congress. Having thus shocked Satiricus out of his idiotic ideas about elections, the Honourable Minister goes on to say, “The real winner is Congress.” How so? Because, as he eruditely explained, “The BJP has been contained below the number it had last time and the Congress has improved its tally.” There you are! The truth, the real truth, of the BJP defeat. The BJP got two whole seats less, while the Congress impressively improved its tally by bagging two whole seats more. And thus did the triumphant Congress “contain” the BJP.

Then there are other ministers and other explanations. For going by press reports, “Central ministers confessed that at no point did they expect the Congress to oust Modi.” What does that mean? It means the Congress fought the election with the determination to lose. And why do the ministers say so? Because, they say, the Congress “was not present in 50 per cent of the 182 seats.’’ Now that, Satiricus must say, is a genuine difficulty. He quite understands that it is by no means easy to find enough wives of anti-Modi husbands who could be given tickets.

Yet another minister, the Honourable Foreign Minister Khurshid, has yet another explanation of how Modi’s win is actually Modi’s loss. It is an intellectual exercise at a level where Satiricus cannot exercise his apology of an intellect. The argument too convoluted for this confused cuss goes like this: The Gujarat win was in a way a blow to Modi’s national ambition. How come? Because “he doesn’t have a pan-Indian presence”. Why not? Because “in fact, there is a lot of negativity that goes with him elsewhere in the country”. Why is that? Why, because Gujarat, ruled by Modi, is communal, while India, ruled by UPA, is secular, and if Gujarat keeps voting for Modi again and again and again, three times, it proves that Modi is a triply-cursed communalist, that’s why. So lo and behold! The communal core of Modi’s apparent-win-cum-actual-defeat lies exposed.

And if Satiricus fails to understand Janab Salman Khurshid’s cryptic reference to “a lot of negativity” that clings to Modi, so much the worse for him. For it clearly means that Modi is not only a cursed communalist-cum-Hindu, he is a genocidal monster. Consequently, his win on the local, communal, level has sealed his prospect on the national, secular, level. It was to deliver this big blow to Modi that the Congress very cleverly let him win in Gujarat. At last the situation is clear to Satiricus. He now knows that the hundreds of Muslims killed after 57 karsevaks were burnt alive in a train in Gujarat was a genocide, but the thousands of Sikhs whose slaughter was led by a Congress leader in Delhi when Indira Gandhi was assassinated was not a genocide. But in that case will the Foreign Minister explain to this desi Indian how a foreign country, namely Australia, has started officially and obnoxiously dubbing the Delhi killings a genocide? He won’t, because he knows that Satiricus is too dumb a desi to understand.

And finally, Information Minister Tewari informs Satiricus that the Gujarat election was a “significant victory” for Rahul, because the Congress won wherever he went. Sure, sure. Satiricus is sure that the Congress won wherever he went in Gujarat as significantly as it won wherever he went in UP.

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