The Omniscient Board
WHERE ignorance is bliss, it’s a folly to be wise. So it follows that where secular ignorance is bliss it’s a folly to be Islamically wise—and Quranically correct. Hence, when the Gujarat Government’s Gauseva Board displays a quote from the Quran claiming it means beef is bad for health, secular Satiricus must side with the super-secular member of the All-India Muslim Personal Law Board who asserted that there is no such verse in the Quran. And of course if this board, speaking for all Indian Muslims, does not know the Quran, who else does? The Quran is in Arabic—“By the clear Book, we have made it an Arabic Quran, haply you will understand….” (Ornaments, XL III, 1-4). There you are! The Quran is clear—except, of course, to the moronic minions of the communal cusses ruling in Gujarat.
Unfortunately, these know-nothing nitwits include a Muslim scholar by name NJ Dawood, who wrote in the preface to his book The Koran (Penguin Classics, 1974): “The Quran contains many statements which, if not altogether obscure, lend themselves to more than one interpretation.” Well, now, does that mean that when the Muslim Board’s scholar says there is no such verse, what he means is that he does not understand the meaning of a verse that is there? If so, it’s sad, but what makes it sadder is what Dawood goes on to add—“About the cryptic letters which head certain chapters of the Koran….no one knows what they stand for. Traditional commentators dismiss them by saying Allah alone knows what he means by these letters.” That is preposterous. A shocked Satiricus must tell dastardly Dawood that Allah is not alone in knowing what those letters mean. There is also somebody else who has that knowledge—the All-India Muslim Personal Law Board.