Strikingly Similar Advices

INDIA THAT IS BHARAT

For quite some time since it became apparent that he was the heir-apparent of the empire of 10, Janpath, Rahul Baba did not say a word about any issue facing the kingdom he was to inherit. Satiricus, the curious cuss, kept wondering why. Even some Congressmen wondered why. Why, a few of them actually made bold to say he should. Then why didn’t he so long? The reason is now revealed. It was that he had not done his homework, that is, he had not memorised daddy’s words on party, government, education and what have you so that he could filially and faithfully repeat them in his pronouncements on them. At least, that is what the other day a newspaper rather maliciously pointed out in dastardly details.

When, for instance, Rahul Gandhi, like every Gandhi, set out to “transform” the system in India, how did he go about it? He diligently drew upon daddy Rajiv’s wise words. He plagiarised sorry, sorry, he copied not only Rajiv Gandhi’s ideas and beliefs, but even his words and phrases. In 1987, Rajiv talked about Nishkama Karma, and a few days back, 25 years later, Rahul talked of Nishkama Karma. Again in 1987, Rajiv lambasted our education system, saying, “we are taught never to question the teacher,” and in 2008 Rahul made an exact copy by saying when he was in college “you were looked down upon as if you asked too many questions”. It was only when the college concerned made him eat his words that it came to light that Rahul Baba was repeating his Baba’s words of 1987. In 1985, Rajiv said: “The bureaucracy is closed up in its own little box”, and just a couple of month back Rahul said: “All our public systems are closed systems.” Again in that year Rajiv said, “Flagrant contradiction between what we say and what we do has become our way of life”, and 28 years later Rahul says, “Every single day we are faced with the hypocrisy of the system.” Then in a sudden patriotic U-turn Rajiv said in 1987: “Today it is not the India of 1974 when nobody bothered to listen to us. Today, India counts,” and in an equally sudden fit at Jaipur Rahul simply changed the year and repeated: “Today, India is not like it was in 1984. Today, the entire world is courting us.” And finally, Rajiv liked to recount how mother Indira used to advise him to “understand the real India”, and decades later, Rahul revealed mother Sonia’s power-is-poison advice.

See? What does Satiricus say about this striking similarity between what Rajiv says and Rahul repeats? Well, he can call it a classic case of Congress continuity. It also proves the universal truth especially applied in the Indian context that the more things change the more they remain the same. Indira Gandhi gave the stirring slogan “garibi hatao”, but when Rajiv succeeded her, he transformed it into “garibi mitao”, See? Hatao changed to mitao. That was the first part “the more things change….”, but “garibi” remained. That was the second part “the more they remain the same”. And why is that in this case? Because garibi is the essence of the Indian economy and the core of Congress continuity, and such an essential core cannot be tampered with, no? So it was in the fitness of things that an American think-tank should analyse our latest budget and assure us that “India is heading for economic failure”. Where else can it head? Satiricus does not know.Why? Because Rahul Gandhi has not told him. Why? Because Rajiv Gandhi had not told him.

 Secular Messiah

The righteous religion of secularism is not easy to follow. One has to be meticulous in its observance. The true devotee must discern with due diligence that the anti-secular devil lies in the detail such as the precise timings of namaz. And this is why Satiricus is not Bihar Chief Minister Nitish Kumar. That sterling secularist had very recently and very loudly expressed his revulsion to the very idea of that heinous Hindu Narendra Modi as NDA’s prime ministerial candidate. But was that talk enough lip-service to secularism? It wasn’t. Now he has paid literal lip-service of a different kind by taking special care to ensure that the timing of his recent rally in Delhi did not impiously interfere with the timing of the afternoon recitation of namaz. As the secular CM’s speech during namaz time was out of question, he ended his speech 15 minutes before zero hour, and it was declared that the rally had to be wound up due to “technical reasons” before 2 pm, the time of the afternoon namaz. See? We live in supremely secular times, in which the time of 15 minutes could make the difference between hell and paradise.