Shadow-Boxing Between Congress And SP
INDIA THAT IS BHARAT
The United Progressive Alliance led by Congress is currently making some additional, illustrious alliances. And when you make new friends, you naturally exchange pleasantries. That is what the Congress and the Samajwadi Party seem to be doing, although on the surface it seems an unseemly slanging match. For instance Mulayam Singh said the Congress is a cheat, and with equal politeness the Congress returned the compliment with Beni Prasad calling Mulayam a cheat. The Congress is alleged to be a cheat became despite 60 years of incandescent Islamic secularism the Muslims continued to be backward. On the other hand Mulayam is charged with being a cheat because he did nothing to protect Babri Masjid, the holy of holies of secular India – apart from gunning down some Karsevaks. In short, both are cheats, so there is no impediment in the alliance. But of course that does not mean they can forget political etiquette. So in accordance with Congress culture, Beni Prasad said there will be a “funeral: for the SP after the elections next year.” Not to be outdone in manners. SP leader Shivpal Yadav said Beni is an opium smuggler, a user of charas, and has lost his “mental balance”.
See? Not being a politician but being a decent Aam Admi Satiricus cannot say who, between the Congress and the SP, is more accomplished in the art of abuse. Mulayam said the Congress-led government is a coward in its China policy. But this only shows his ignorance of political manners. For although it is true that while China growls like a tiger, India mews like a cat, are the two not of the same feline family? It is only a matter of diplomatic degrees. And finally what is this nonsense about Beni being a smuggler? Actually Satiricus is not sure if that is an accusation or a compliment. And secondly, does Beni know even the ABC of smuggling, let alone the D of the D Company of our dear Dawood? Satiricus doubts.
Sonia Model A Runaway Hit?
Does the Sonia-Manmohan Congress model of government make a model government? Had Satiricus been the general secretary of the Congress, he could have answered that question. Fortunately he is not, for he finds that there are two general secretaries of the Congress who gave two opposite answers to one and the same question. The diametrically differing duo is Digvijay and Dwivedi. General Secretary Digvijay Singh says, “This model has not worked very well. There should not be two power centres. Whoever is PM must have authority to function.” General Secretary Janardan Dwivedi says exactly the opposite: “Relationship between Cong president and PM is unique, something which has never been seen before, and perhaps this should be the ideal model for future also.”
Well, now, what does Satiricus say to that? In his considered opinion both are wrong for the right reason. For he has not seen any “two power centres” in the government for 15 long years. He knows only one, and that is at 10, Janpath. Is there any other? After searching his memory and scratching his head he has remembered that we do have a prime minister too, and he is the authorized signatory for all government orders. That is, he is authorized to sign on the dotted line the orders issued at 10, Janpath and routed through the PMO. And has this model of government not worked very well? Why should Digvijay Singh feel dissatisfied when the head clerk in the PMO is not? As for Dwivedi, Satiricus does not see anything “unique” in the relationship between a nominee and a nominator, between a man on the throne and a man (or woman) behind the throne. That being so, Satiricus says Rahul is right when he says it is wrong to ask him if he wants to be PM. Not even stupid Satiricus would be stupid enough to want to be king when he can be the king-maker. So Satiricus sees a simple scenario: Manmohan Singh may again become PM candidate for next year’s election. He may again become PM if the Congress wins. And as PM he may again keep running to 10, Janpath at the drop of a figurative hat. Well… not always. He would stop running to 10, Janpath if Rahul goes to live somewhere else.
Hair Does Matter
Satiricus knows about the hirsute pursuit of Islam. He recalls that some years ago the Pakistani parliament had a heated debate on the religiously right length of a Believer’s beard. But he had no idea that meticulous measurement of hair can be a major measure of faith in the religion of Communism as well. For he now learns that Communist North Korea has listed 28 specific hairstyles to “ward off” capitalism, in which the hair of a young man is required to be no longer than five centimetres. This is indeed a hairy situation. Satiricus hopes the sixth sinister centimetre does not corrupt Korean communism into barbaric capitalism of the barber.