Righteous Religious Equality

India That Is Bharat

 Satiricus proudly considers himself a devout follower of the sacred religion of secularism. But how much does he really know about it? Being an illiterate journalist, not much. To that extent, alas, he is a communal columnist. Fortunately for him, there are fellow-columnists who are willing and able to teach him the Indian essence of secularism, namely Islam. For instance, some time back he read an extremely edifying article that began with the wise words: “With the ongoing demonisation of Islam it is entirely likely that most Indians are unaware of what the Prophet (SAW) says in Surah-e-Kafirun, LakumdeenukumWalyadeen. To you your religion, to me, mine.” Well, now, does not that single surah solve the whole pernicious problem posed by that miserably misguided self-exiled na-Pakistani Anwar Shaikh, who went on demonising Islam with damnable, double-digit dastardliness by quoting quote after quote saying something slightly different to me my religion, and to you too, or else! Just to refresh this particular columnist’s memory with a few specimens: “The worst of beasts in Allah’s sight are the ungrateful who will not believe.” (Spoils of War, 55); “Allah is an enemy of unbelievers.” (The Cow, 98); “On unbelievers is the curse of Allah.” (The Cow: 161); “They (Believers) fight in His (Allah’s) cause, so they kill (others) and are killed.” (Repentence 9:110); “Fight those who believe not in Allah….until they….have been humbled.” (Repentence 9:25); “It is not for any Prophet to have prisoners until he make wide slaughter. (The Spoils 8:65).

What does this string of sayings show? It clearly shows that this mean-minded Muslim misread the Quran because he did not have the knowledge of Arabic, in which it is written, that this Hindu secularist has. By the way, Satiricus wonders….does this columnist, who obviously knows the Arabic language, know Arabic grammar? Apparently even a Muslim who wrote the introduction to a book on the Quran by another Muslim, N. J. Dawood, does not. For he wrote, “About the cryptic Arabic letters which head certain chapters of the Koran….No one knows what they stand for….Allah alone knows what he means by these letters.” But, believe it or not, an audacious Hindu did not leave it to Allah, Swami Ramatirtha. Once, when he greeted a Muslim gathering with saying “Om” and said Om was present practically in all languages, he was asked how it could be present in the Arabic Quran. Thereupon this abysmally ignorant anti-secularist wretchedly replied, “In the beginning of your Koran there are three letters at the top Alif (A), Lam (L) and Mim….According to Arabic grammar Lam (L) can be pronounced as Wao (O) under certain circumstances. For instance, in Arabic you write ‘Nizamaldin’ but you read ‘Nizamuddin’….Thus Alif, Lam, Mim give the sound Alif (A), Wao (O), and Mim (M), that is, AOM or AUM, that is, Om.” The immoral moral of this story is that ignorance is secular bliss where knowledge of hopelessly communal grammar is concerned.

Then again, Satiricus fervently hopes that when this columnist wisely began with the said surah proclaiming righteous religious equality, she was not so unwise as to go into the history of the kafirs after whom it is named. For that history is abominably anti-secular, being horribly Hindu. According to it, at the end of 1500 years of Afghanistan’s Hindu history the warriors of a principality in the north called Vāmasthan offered such fierce resistance to the jihadists that they were dubbed kafirs and their region Kafiristan. And if their patriotism was bad, their mythology was worse. For they worshipped a god named Gish, who was the son of ‘Imra’ (Indra). God Gish killed many demons. When these Hindus came to be abused by the Muslims who tried to subdue them, they added two names to the list of demons killed by God Gish Hasan and Husain!

Soothing Slogan

Satiricus has definitely decided to vote for the Congress in the coming general election. For he wants a mobile, and he was thrilled to learn that the Congress’s election slogan is going to be Har haath mein phone. The papers say this phoney facility will be bestowed upon every BPL (below poverty line) family. But that is okay. For with the government deciding to tax everything in sight and prices going through the leaking roof middle-class Satiricus is confident that he will soon take his pride of place below the poverty line.

The papers also say, “the government is hoping the slogan proves as powerful as Indira Gandhi’s ‘Garibi Hatao’ slogan”. Sure it will. The poverty slogan was so powerful that it is still with us. And so is poverty. For according to the International Food Policy Research Institute’s Global Hunger Index of last year, 23 crore Indians go hungry every day, putting India among the most starving countries of the world. So what? An election is more important than a measly meal. So Har haath mein phone is more important than Har haath mein roti.