Qualification For Pm Candidate

INDIA THAT IS BHARAT

Satiricus hereby declares that he is a prime ministerial candidate. The reason why he is doing so is simple—it seems to be the “in” thing. Everyone seems to want to be prime minister, then why shouldn’t Satiricus? Mulayam Singh openly wants it. Sharad Pawar “won’t mind” it. Navin Patnaik has been called prime minister “in waiting”. And now Mayawati has given a clarion call to her followers to make her prime minister. In short, everybody wants to be prime minister, then why not a nobody like Satiricus?

But the question is, is he as qualified as this lady and these gentlemen? He is afraid he is not. Firstly, it goes without saying, although Nitish Kumar is saying, that secular India must have a secular prime minister. So then, is Satiricus sufficiently secular? Can he, for starters, compete with Mulayam Singh in that respect? Satiricus must admit he cannot. Has Satiricus gunned down karsevaks on their way to the Ram Mandir? He has not. Has Satiricus given a clean chit to SIMI when the court has convicted it of being a secessionist, terrorist organisation? He has not. In fine, can Satiricus claim the impeccable secular credentials of the famously‒called Mullah Mulayam? He cannot.

To proceed, when Islamic terrorists attacked Mumbai at eleven places within three hours during Sharad Pawar’s chief ministership of Maharashtra, Pawar said there was also a twelfth attack, and that was on a Muslim locality. Later he openly confessed that it was a secular lie. Can Satiricus tell such a brazen lie in the service of secularism? He very much doubts.

And on top of all this, is Satiricus as blissfully ignorant of Hinduism as Mayawati to rubbish it as moronic ‘Manuwaad’ without studying a single line of Manu-Smriti? Satiricus is afraid not. In fact, Satiricus is ashamed to confess that he lacks many other qualifications that Mayawati proudly possesses. For instance, has Satiricus erected a few hundred statues to himself? At least, one single statue?At least a bust? He hasn’t. Why? Because he does not have four thousand crore rupees of tax-payers’ money for that. Still more importantly, does Satiricus have a government plane at his disposal to send from Lucknow to Mumbai to buy a new pair of footwear? Alas, he doesn’t. Finally, if, despite disqualifications galore, Satiricus does become prime minister, can he prove himself to be a better mouse than the present one?

Eternal Vigilante

There are secularists and secularists, but is there a secularist who could hold a candle to Digvijay Singh? Satiricus doubts. Rather, he is sure not. Whenever something terrible happens, like, for instance, a terrorist attack, anywhere in the country, Digvijay Singh knows exactly who the perpetrator is—it is the Hindus in general, and or the RSS in particular. When 26/11 happened, when a dozen terrorists openly held Mumbai hostage for 60 hours and gunned down 200 people, Digvijay knew it was RSS ki Saajish. When he learnt that Saraswati Shishu Mandir schools were teaching Hindu culture he exposed the terrible truth that these schools were injecting poisonous communalism into young minds. And now that the Buddha temple at Bodh Gaya has been rocked by serial bomb blasts, Digvijay Singh has promptly warned non-BJP-ruled states to be on high alert, implying that Hindu terrorists may have caused these blasts. In short, secularism khatre mein hai everywhere in anti-Hindusthan, and eternal vigilance by Digvijay Singh is the price of its safety.

Real Election Issue

Elections are a tricky business. If you want to win, you have to have your priorities right. Take, for instance, this once-Hindu party. When, the other day, one of its newly-minted national leaders went to Ayodhya and prayed for a grand Ram Mandir instead of the present makeshift one, the secular powers that be immediately and astutely pounced upon the terrible act as a “temple gambit” for the coming vote. Post-haste the president of the party assured the electorate that Ram Mandir was not the party’s election issue, development was its election issue. And why was a temple for Ram not an election issue? Because it was a national issue.

See? A national issue cannot be an election issue, because 85 per cent of the nation’s people have remained undeveloped precisely because they pray to Rama instead of to the secular gods. In turn this means the Ram Rajya which the first Gandhi repeatedly advocated as the ideal was actually an ideally undeveloped state. Fortunately, the succession of later Gandhis knew better. For they have assiduously and successfully worked for more than half a century to establish an anti-Ram Rajya, in which, according to an international “hunger index” published a couple of years ago, among 70-odd countries of the world whose people have little food to eat, Indians are among the bottom 15.