Sunday, August 14th, 2022 11:47:51

‘PAK’ Love For Democracy

Updated: June 15, 2013 1:38 pm



Being a na-pak nincompoop Satiricus never knew that there was ever a thing like a secular Pakistan. But one lives and learns especially from the Urdu press in secular India. For instance in a report from Islamabad, just before the elections, titled “Whose Pakistan? Jinnah’s or Taliban’s?” the weekly Nai Duniya, edited by Samajwadi Party leader Siddiqui, wrote: “The secular character and democracy that Mohammed Ali Jinnah had imagined has no purchase in today’s Pakistan. If this change is not stopped now, it would be the death of secular principles of governance. Pakistan will be controlled by terrorist forces….The battle for votes is now between secular and Islamist forces.”

See? This damnable dunce was under the deplorable delusion that Jinnah had ushered in a Muslim state, so there was no question of its going anti-Islamically out of fashion any time. Causing confusion worse confounded in Satiricus’s bird-brain, Gen. Zia had plainly and piously asked, “What is the point of having a Pakistan if it is not for Muslims or do you want it to be just a second-rate copy of India?” True, Jinnah had dangerously declared in his inaugural speech that Pakistan would be secular, but fortunately Pakistan’s biggest organisation has saved the situation by condemning Jinnah for even talking of secularism.

Anyway, now that the election in Pakistan is over and the result is out, Satiricus is done with his doubts. Rather, he is feeling delightfully dizzy after a terrific trip to that lovely land called Euphoria. As an added bonus for this ignoramus, the editor of India’s biggest daily, who went on a pilgrimage to Pakistan under cover of covering the election, has eruditely explained to him how Pakistan has changed from chalk to cheese. He says the very fact of one civilian government of Pakistan lasting full five years and making way for another civilian government is clinching proof of Pakistan’s love for democracy. Satiricus, of course, is immeasurably impressed. And why should not be, when the Pakistanis took just sixty short years to express it?

On the other hand, if Satiricus was taken by surprise by the election result it is only because he is a communal cuss incapable of comprehending a “fundamental shift” that was already underway in that country. Revealing it to Satiricus and his fellow-ignoramuses this editor writes : “Many Pakistan-watchers, particularly in India, allow our fear and distrust of the Pakistani army to so cloud our judgement, we fail to see a fundamental, and virtual change.” Oh my god ! How stupid of Satiricus! He had no idea that the change taking place in Pakistan was not only fundamental, it was virtuous too. And what was the virtue in it? It was that neither the political opposition nor the army pulled down Zardari’s “bumbling, waffling government marred by indecision, corruption and confusion”. Ah, is that so? And why is that so? Because, reveals this treasurehouse of editorial wisdom, “the people of Pakistan have decided to take charge of their own destiny.”

Ah, the people ! And who exactly are the people who have now “taken charge” of their (doubtlessly democratic) destiny? Satiricus recalls that about a year ago somebody had carried out a survey among the people of Pakistan on whether they would like Islamisation of the society and the response had been a thumping yes. Then will the coming Pakistani democracy mean that all men are equal but Muslims are more equal? Satiricus the illiterate journalist does not know. Maybe this Indian editor knows despite being a journalist. By the way, according to Wikipedia’s 2011 estimate there are 59 lakh Hindus in Pakistan. Are they among the people “in charge”? Then again, in Pakistan Shias are not Muslims, nor the Qadianis, nor the Ahmedias. What about these people? Obviously, Muslim people’s democracy of Pakistan needs to be saved from non-Muslim people like these. Then what to do with them? Simple kill them. So 400 Shias had to be killed in just one year last year to save Pakistani democracy from them. In fact, eternal killing being the price of Pakistani democracy, Shias “continue to be slaughtered in cold blood,” to quote a righteous report in Pakistani newspaper Dawn.

Finally, as if all this does not make an ignoble heap of ignorance on Satiricus’s part, according to this editor a sure sign of the “shift” during the previous civilian regime, which he has so perceptively perceived, is that the “generals stayed in their headquarters”. But only a couple of years ago the in-house expert of this editor’s paper had written about the Pak army : “Whoever wears the uniform will rule the nation.” Oh well, it seems the civilians can certainly rule till the dhobi comes back with the uniforms.

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