Sunday, December 4th, 2022 14:59:14

Overcoming Deluging Gloom

By Vishwarupa Rath
Updated: May 25, 2021 10:03 am

There’s a thing about grief–you can never really know how much it is felt by anyone, how they would  react      them, in the short or long term. It is simply different for every individual.

Each human goes through one unique set of circumstances, does have one unique set of genes, which, when combined, makes one a unique personality. This personality, most of the time, dictates how one would react to certain grievous events of one’s life.  But there are some incidents whose arrival can generate really unpredictable responses.

Through all of this, the point I’m trying to make is that we can’t really predict nor can we decide as to how anyone else is supposed to attend to one’s grief. We do feel quite helpless and disheartened, when we see our loved ones suffering from pain of some kind and we wish we could remove that heavy cold blanket of sadness from them. But the truth is: We can’t pull them out of it unless they themselves decide to do it. All you can do is give them a comforting genuine assurance that you are there for them, and that they can spend as much time as they wish to, for their healing. We can let them know, their suffering is not derisory, but it is not perpetual as well. Let them know, this time shall pass too, as when indeed does the sand stay bound within the fist?

Sometimes well within our attention, sometimes tiptoeing swiftly out of our knowledge, the mischievous time keeps on moving, moment to moment, with its legs ever so fixed on a pattern. Some things just aren’t stoppable. Like time, like our lives.

When we talk about grief of losing someone, it’s indeed a gloom unimaginable. Such a sudden change, a havoc that can be caused by the absence of that one person, knowing, no wonder how deeply difficult the loss is to bear, you just can’t bring them back. And of course, it leaves a void inside, a portion of heart that stays reserved in their tinted memories, a place that can never be filled by anything or anyone else. The loss is indelible.

In such moments though, it’s quite necessary to let ourselves stand aside from our ocean of grief for just a while to look back and be grateful. Why? Isn’t that something to be thankful for? That you had the chance to make acquaintance with such a wonderful soul and had such a cherishable time with them, that now that it’s gone, you miss it so much.

The thing is that every bond that we have made in this world isn’t really owned by us. Their existence was not in our control and thus there’s no reason why we shall expect them to stay forever. And on the top, the sorrow of the death of a loved one might reduce a bit if we perceive it all as a journey and the soul being the energy taking one vehicle to another, with passage of time. The bond you had with the person you grieve for is that ‘No weapons can cut, nor fire can burn, nor water can wet, nor wind can dry.’ It was an energy that would always remain with you in your  cherished treasure of memories and beliefs.

Although these are the facts that make sense and can help one rise from the drowning despondency, someone freshly lost in such sorrow would be like a child who continuously does something despite knowing that he/she should not do it.  Such is grief.

A magnetic comforting space pulls the person into this dark escape, which at the moment feels fancier to accept than to efforts in the path of healing. However, alluring this grief is, sometimes people choose not to befriend this dark escape at all and thus face denial. That, I believe, is even tougher to get over with, because one can’t really erase grief as an emotion from their life completely. If they don’t attend to the emotions when they’re supposed to be felt, it could instil serious mental health issues in them. Therefore, it’s very important for us to let ourselves and the people around us feel and attend to their emotions when  affected by a situation. Once we face it, we won’t be too far from the process of healing.

Amongst all of this, we need to be mindful of this saying by Shri Gaur Gopal Das: “To get affected, it’s normal. To remain affected, it’s abnormal.”

 

By Vishwarupa Rath

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