Misunderstanding Secularism

INDIA THAT IS BHARAT

SATIRICUS swears by secularism. But does he really understand secularism? That is the question. Is it not more than likely that, given his undeniably underdeveloped understanding, his claim to understanding secularism actually means misunderstanding secularism? That was indeed what he ruefully realised the other day on reading a precious piece in a paper titled Misunderstanding secularism. The entire erudite exercise is devoted to exposing how Indian secularism is misunderstood by Indian morons like Satiricus.

Satiricus, of course, was duly mortified, but he took comfort in the fact that he is in the august company of a supreme court judge who anti-secularly advocated teaching the Hindu scripture Gita in schools. Obviously, the western Christian author of the article understands Indian secularism far better than any Indian, even if he is a supreme court judge, when he righteously writes, “Teaching Gita doesn’t go against Indian secularism, teaching Gita alone does.” Then what must us fake secularists do to become real secularists? We must “get good things from anywhere, including….the Quran, the Bible….”

Of course, of course. So Satiricus piously pored over the Bible, starting with its first part, the Judaic Old Testament. And what did he find? Oh, he found a treasure trove of “good points”, but, alas, they were too good to help this hopeless Hindu secularist to develop into a blessed Biblical secularist. For the Old Testament part of the (very) Holy Bible commands : “Ye shall utterly destroy all the places wherein the nations which Ye possess served their gods”. (Deuteronomy, 12:2)…. “Thou shall utterly overthrow them, and quite break down their images”. (Exodus, 23:24)…. “Ye shall destroy their altars….and cut down their groves.” (Exodus, 34:13).

But would this divine destruction of the images and the very names of “other gods” be enough as an admirable addition to Indian secularism? Seems not to Satiricus. For not only the abominable “other gods” but also their human worshippers must be suitably dealt with. So, very suitably “they shall be burnt with hunger and devoured with burning heat, and with bitter destruction.” (Deuteronomy, 32:24.)….The sword without and terror within shall destroy both young men and the virgin, the suckling also with the men of gray hairs.” (Deuteronomy, 32:25)….Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes, their houses shall be spoiled, and their wires ravished.” (Isaiah, 13:16)

What do these quotable quotes come down to? They come down to the fact that this Hindu half-secularist sorely needs guts and gore to become a full secularist. And the “glad tidings” is that if he has to develop from a full secularist to a fuller secularist, with many more “good points”, he has only to look into the Christian part of the Bible preached by Jesus, Son of God himself and Prince of Peace. And what does he preach? He said : “Perhaps men think that I came to cast peace on the world; and they do not know that I came to cast division upon earth, fire, sword, war….” (Thomas, 16)…. “I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against the mother, and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law….(Matthew, 10:35)…. “He who will not hate his father and his mother cannot be my disciple.” And the crowning command of this prince of peace—Those who do not believe in me, bring them before use and kill them.

Unfortunately, Jesus forgot to specify the means and methods of killing, but fortunately his faithful followers, known as the Society of Jesus or Jesuits, diligently detailed them. For the Jesuit oath says that in order to promote Christianity “I will….make and wage relentless war, secretly and openly, against all heretics…. I will hang, burn, waste, boil, flay, strangle, and bury alive….infamous heretics, rip up the wombs of their women, and crush their infants’ heads against the walls….When the same cannot be done openly I will secretly use the poisonous cup, the strangulation cord, the steel of the poniard, or the leaden bullet….”

Finally, for the ultimate good points for the good of Indian secularism this Indian ignoramus can quite correctly turn to the Quran. It says, “The worst of beasts in God’s sight are the unbelievers. (The Spoils, VIII-57). Then how to secularize these beasts? The answer : “Bind him, burn him in the fire of hell, then fasten him with a chain 70 cubits long, for he did not believe in Allah….”

Need Satiricus say anything more for the good of Indian secularism as advised by this Christian Westerner? Only one thing—if these points make for a good secularist, Satiricus would prefer to remain a good-for-nothing secularist.