Liberating Hindu slaves of India

INDIA THAT IS BHARAT

Satiricus lives and learns. For example, he learnt during the recent election campaign of the Congress that the sacred creed of secularism that the powers that be (or used to be) followed so devoutly is not merely one-sided but rather impressively double-dimensional. In his former ignorance this ignoramus used to think that, as laid down in the Quran in The Disputer (LVIII: 20) and re-affirmed by Messrs Sachar, Rangnath & Co. (in so many words), the essence of secularism lay in belonging to “God’s Party” of Believers as against “Satan’s Party” of disbelievers. This impression was strengthened all the more by the Quranic confabulations between Sonia and Shahi Imam in which it was agreed that Muslims would vote Congress to save secularism, as these two were the only real secularists in this cussedly communal country. But now Satiricus learns to his pleasant surprise that Indian secularism is not only Quranic, it is also Biblical. For it was reported from the North-East that Congress had warned against the evil emergence of an “Anti-Christ” by way of a group of opposition parties favouring Hinduism. So now secular Satiricus can happily say that Indian secularism is doubly empowered. Gone, it seems, are those half-hearted days when in this region voters were only asked to “vote for Christ”. Now they have been specifically asked to vote against the Hindu “Anti-Christ”.

This welcome development is of course in the fitness of things, this Congress confluence between Christian Sonia and the Shahi Imam, the high priest of Islam in secular India. In fact it is quite in keeping with the recently reported global alliance between the faithfuls of the two faiths. This report says two-three Muslim and Christian organisations have decided to unite two-three billion Muslims and Christians of the whole world together for the noble purpose of—hold your breath!—putting an end to slavery in India! This alliance sadly says slavery exists in many forms in India—which, of course, does not either in the Quranic Middle East or in the Biblical West. How nobly secular of the Muslims and Christians of the world to gang up—sorry, sorry, to come together—to liberate the Hindu slaves of India.

However, in the pious performance of the tremendous task of liberating Hindus from Hinduism these Muslim and Christian saviours may have to tackle a little birdie that mischievously and maliciously asks—what about the slavery in the Quran and the Bible? Good God! Can there be such sinful souls who say so? The answer, alas, is that there are, and they even quote chapter and verse for it!

Take the Quran. The ex-Pakistani Muslim Anwar Shaikh, repeating it, writes: During his campaign to exterminate the Jews in Arabia Mohammed decided to destroy a Jew tribe called Banu Kuraiza. This he did by ordering the beheading of 800 Jews (“which in terms of today’s inflated population would equal 80,000 men”). Among their women, who became the “spoils of war”, was a beautiful young woman called Rihana, “whose husband, parents….had just been slaughtered….” The Prophet “wasted no time inviting her to….become one of his wives, but she failed to understand how the “Mercy of all things” could make such a proposal when she was being choked in grief….When she refused….the Prophet took her for a concubine, which is an unmarried slave….” This is terrible. Surely this must be Shaikh’s na-Pak fabrication—at last the ending of the story. Had Satiricus known Arabic he could well have read that Rihana was so happy being the Prophet’s slave that she needed no women’s lib.

In the case of the Bible, things are not as bad—they are much worse; for an American body called Freedom from Religion has profanely pointed out a string of Biblical quotes actually defending slavery. Just a few samples: “God establishes slavery.” (Lev. 25: 44-6. Ex. 21: 2-6.) “God orders slave-capturing expeditions.” (Deut. 20: (10-15.) “God directs slave-branding.” (Ex. 21:6.) The New Testament sanctions slavery. (Tim. 6:1, Titus 2:9, Eph. 6:5, Pet. 2:18) The Foundation foully adds: “Jesus not only incorporated the master-slave relationship into many of his parables, but even encouraged the beating of slaves: “And that servant (slave) which knew his lord’s will and prepared not himself, neither did according to his wish, should be beaten with many stripes.”

How absolutely tommyrotten! If, as it is ignominiously alleged, the Bible is a collection of fabrications and forgeries, Satiricus is sure these cussed quotes must be at the top of it, and it must have been the dastardly doing of this horrid Hindus who were living in Jesus’s homeland under the name of Essenes even before he was born. Even the Gospels of the absolute-truth fame have been devilishly defamed. In just the second century of Christianity a wretched Roman philosopher called Celsus remarked that they seem to be written “as if in a drunken state”. Oh God, forgive them, for they knew not what then wrote; they had drunk desi daru.