India That Is Bharat
Satiricus is so sorry to see that the Americans are getting more and more uncivil and uncultured in their international relations. The first sad sign of this regrettable degradation was of course the way they sneaked into the sovereign territory of Pakistan and put a violent end to the distinguished state guest, Osama bin Laden. Did they have a cordial invite from the Pakistan government to come and kill Osama? Did they duly apply for visas for the commandos who did the heinous deed? Not only did the Americans not do any such civilised thing, their president went to the unpardonably ungentlemanly extent of declaring that had he told the Pakistanis about what he planned to do, the Pakistanis would not have taken even a “nano-second” to warn Osama. How ridiculous! Satiricus is sure they would have needed at least a “nano-hour” to do so if there is such a thing.
Anyway, Satiricus must say this is not only bad, this is not bad enough, for the Americans seem to be going from bad to worse. Take this American reward of 10 million dollars for info that would help the capture and conviction of LeT leader and 26/11 terror attack mastermind Hafiz Saeed. How utterly undiplomatic! When will the Americans learn that diplomacy is the better part of spinelessness? They could have benefited from Indian expertise, for are we Indians not past masters in the fine art of dealing with terrorists?
The proud patriot that he is, Satiricus would point out to the uncouth Americans that more than 20 terrorists and their active accomplishes are enjoying the good life in Pakistan for years after wreaking havoc in damnable Dar-ul-Harab that is India. And what action have we taken to get them back? Why, the most effective action, of course that is, in the sweetest words we have asked Pakistan: May we have our terrorists back, please? Is there anything more that we need to do? Of course, there is, and we are doing it we are sending to Pakistan an unending supply of beautifully written dossiers on these terrorists.
And if, luck by chance, the Pakistanis did send them back, what would we have done with them? Why, we would have filed a case against them in honour of the due process of law, we would have taken care to ensure that this process proceeded for, say, 10 to 12 years, then we would have sternly sentenced the terrible terrorists to death, and finally we would have sent them to jail to live happily ever after in the congenial company of Messrs Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab, passing their time in the playful pursuit of writing mercy petitions.
This would have been in illustrious accordance with our secular civilisation and our Congress culture. Unfortunately, Indian Congressmen and US Congressmen are not the same. In fact US Congressmen are behaving like truculent tribals. For instance, the other day one of them actually demanded that Rinkal Kumari and other Hindu girls recently abducted, forcibly converted, and then married to Muslims be restored to their parents. How intolerably impertinent of the Americans! On the other hand, look at the supremely civilised and decorously diplomatic Indian response.The Foreign Minister said it is expected of the government of Pakistan that it would protect its citisens. See? Matter closed ! And may ex-Hindu Rinkal Kumari live a long and happy married life with a Muslim husband who may have studied a British Mullah’s recently published textbook on how to scientifically and lawfully beat your wife.
Another US Congressman went weird in another direction. He took note of a few people in Baluchistan being shot dead (as if such a trifle was noteworthy) and declared that Baluchistan had a right to self-determination. This was the height or depth of irresponsible American intransigence and this again defines the deep divide between US Congressmen and Indian Congressmen. For did not Baluchistan illustrate the shining sagacity of Indian diplomacy a couple of years ago when our Prime Minister signed a joint statement with Pakistan that contained a “unilateral” Pakistani reference to India’s hand in Baluchistan? And please don’t ask Satiricus how a joint statement can have a unilateral reference, or a statement with a unilateral reference can be a joint statement. This illiterate journalist cannot be expected to understand the complexities of diplomacy. Nor can other equally ignorant journalists, it seems. For Indian Express called the joint statement a complete sell-out, Hitavad said it was one of the biggest blunders of our PM’s life, Free Press called it an ignominy, and DNA called it a betrayal. How could all these ignoramuses so ignobly join hands in their condemnation? Satiricus can think of only one explanation all these newspapers must have been bought by the wretched RSS.
By Deep Divide