Tuesday, August 16th, 2022 01:02:52

India That Is Bharat

Updated: December 11, 2010 1:35 pm

Satiricus knows that book-burning is a time-honoured tradition with devout Semitics. The Muslims famously did it, and the missionaries too. The Muslims did it in the Middle East, the missionaries did it in Goa. But a Christain Church in Christain America burning the Bible is truly a believe-it-or-not. According to a recent report a pastor in a US church recently burnt copies of the Bible as well as religious books by various Christain authors including the Pope and Mother Teresa because they were “satanic”.

                Good God! Rather, what the devil! The pastor and his followers said the American Standard Bible and even the New King James Bible were works of the Devil and “perversions” of their scriptures, and only the first King James Bible is the “preserved, inspired, inerrant, infallible word of God”.

                For a Hindu ignoramus like Satiricus this is not a little puzzling. For starters, the “infallible word of God” even in the original King James Bible is in English, but did not God originally speak to Moses in Hebrew? Secondly, even God’s name in the original English Bible is not the original Hebrew name. In English it is Yahweh, in Hebrew it is just four letters YHWH, with no vowels in between. Why is that? Because when Moses asked God his name God refused to give it, and said, call me “I Am That I Am”. But is that exactly not what the Upanisheds say—Aham Brahma Asmi?

                This is terrible. For it means the Christain God is a copy of the Hebrew God, and the Hebrew God is a copy of the Hindu God. So how about some American Christain with burning zeal burn both the original English and the original Hebrew Bible?


The other day Satiricus read a newspaper report that belongs to Ripley’s “Believe it or not” category. He read that a meeting of Sunni Muslims organised by the All India Ulema Mashaikh Board and held in Patna has made 21 demands of the Government of oh-so-secular India, which included “the centre’s intervention in protecting Muslim places of worship in Saudi Arabia”. Satiricus was stunned, aghast, flabbergasted. Satiricus was simply floored. He read the news again and again, searching for a misprint. But there it was, without a single miserable misprint.

Then how on earth could such an impossible demand be made? Satiricus could think of only one, ominous, explanation. It is that instead of reading the world’s only book, the Quran, these sacrilegious Muslims seem to have read another book, Chasing a Mirage by Tarek Fatah, a Canadian Muslim leader and co-founder of the Muslim Canadian Council of Toronto. In this book, after calling Islam “archaic, anti-modern and irrational”, and saying he is “simply sick to death” of intolerant elements in his “faith”, he writes: “95 per cent of Mecca’s thousand-year-old development has been demolished by the Saudi authorities. They bulldozed the grave of the prophet’s daughter, destroyed Muhammed’s house, and built a public toilet inside the house of his wife.” If this is the truth, the whole na-pak truth, Allah save “believers” from believing in truth !


Something terrible has happened. In fact nothing worse could have happened to politicians of India that its blessed Bharat. Satiricus is talking of a “tell-all” website on politicians that has been recently launched. Take this, for instance. In 2004 former Karnataka CM Kumaraswamy had Rs 3 crore (only). Four years of politics, and he has 39 crore. No privilege information this, not even a reply to any Right to Information question. This is available with a simple click of a mouse on a site giving information on politicians like their property details, their criminal records, and a detailed analysis of their electoral past. The website www.empoweringindia.org has collected such information on 45,000 politicians from every state and every constituency in India.

Good God! Now what would our Mulayams and Lalus, our Mayawatis and Jayalalitas do? And our Pappu Yadavs and Arun Gawlis? If Satiricus’s memory serves him right, when Mulayam was charged with amassing 16 crore rupees he had righteously exposed the falsehood of the charge by declaring no, he had only 9 crore. As for Lalu, the courts are still looking for his cows who ate fodder worth crores of rupees. In the case of Mayawati, even stupid Satiricus wonders how her loyal followers, who were not even worth thousands, could gift her lakhs of rupees. Jayalalita, of course, was a rich film star, but 700 expensive pairs of shoes and 400 still more-expensive watches? Finally, between Pappu Yadav and Arun Gawli, is it the only difference that Pappu is an ordinary criminal while Gawli is a don?

                The bottomline: Do we Indian voters, for whom ignorance is bliss, really need this soft-headed software?

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