Saturday, August 13th, 2022 15:01:51


Updated: September 15, 2012 2:54 pm

India That Is Bharat


Satiricus is an average Indian. But what does that exactly mean? Does it mean he has average knowledge of foreign affairs or does it mean he has average ignorance of them? In either case he is impressed to see how an average Pakistani is as knowledgeable about Pakistan’s foreign policy as the above-average Pakistani diplomat representing his government in India. Take this recent interview of the said diplomat in a big Indian daily. The screaming headline of the published report is a memorable quote: “If we keep focusing on trust deficit between India and Pakistan, then you miss the doables.” Well, now, what really is he saying when he is saying that? He is saying, “Aakhir kab tak puraani baton ko lekar hum log baithé rahengé?” No, it is not Satiricus’s translation. It is a quote from a Pakistani film-actress of Bollywood. The other day, when the said cine-star learnt that India was going to resume playing cricket with Pakistan after a gap of five years she told a reporter she was “thrilled” “but then, as a Pakistani national I will be rooting for Pakistan ….” And then followed her “friendly advice” quoted above.” See? The Pakistani diplomat in India and the Pakistani film-actress earning money in India are saying exactly the same thing albeit in different words.

So let us gratefully accept that friendly advice from our Pakistani friends. Let us disdainfully discard our “trust deficit” caused by petty “puraani baatein”. And what are those? Well, for starters, let us forget 26/11. Let us forget how, on that Friendship Day ten Pakistani friends openly landed on the Indian shore virtually at the cordial invite of our government and proceeded to gun down 200 men, women and children. Let us forget how, on that Blood-Red Letter Day the organisers of this friendly visit, sitting in a control room in Pakistan, cheered while the massacre was going on. Let us forget all those wretched revelations that Abu Jundal made virtually on a daily basis.

Among other eminently and easily forgettable things, let us forget what 500 Hindu infiltrators into secular India, posing as pilgrims, are telling us about the paradise that is Pakistan. Let us forget Rinkle Kumari’s story, cooked up by the New York Times, and only remember that this teen-age Hindu girl suddenly passionately “embraced” Islam and is joyfully looking forward to living with her dear Muslim husband happily ever after. Let us, at the same time, forget those 300 young Hindu girls who are magically transformed into young Muslim wives every year, year after year, in oh-so-pak Pakistan. Coming down to what happened just the other day, let us forget the videos, dexterously doctored with admirable expertise in Pakistan, that prompted thousands of north-eastern workers in Bengaluru, Pune and elsewhere to panic and run home to safety.

After performing the unforgettable feat of forgetting all such sundry trifles if we still suffer from the malignant memory of still more puraani baatein, let us forget that Gen. Kayani, Pakistan’s de facto dictator, had personally conducted Pakistan’s terror war in Kashmir for a full decade, that Gen. Hamid Gul had assured us for our kind information that there are 300 jihadi cells in place all over secular India, and that a third general had graciously informed us through a British Prime Minister’s key aide that “Pakistan could launch a nuclear attack on India in 8 seconds” flat. Let us forget that LeT founder and Pakistani VIP Hafeez Saeed had once declared he wants three Islamistans in secular India and had even promised us that he would personally call on us, coming through Kashmir. “From the door of Kashmir we will launch Gazwah-e-Hind (‘battle for Hindustan’).” And finally and fabulously, let us forget the Gallup poll of last year which showed that a majority of Pakistanis want their government to take steps for the ‘Islamisation’ of their society.

See? There is a happy abundance of thing for us to forget. You think they are too many? Of course not.Satiricus has absolutely no doubt about us Indians’ infinite forgetfulness. In fact, even a couple of ex-Pakistanis have given us a glowing certificate testifying to our phenomenal capacity to forget. One of them, originally from Pak-occupied-Kashmir (sorry, sorry, Mr. Padgaonkar, please read Pak-“administered”- Kashmir), now lives in Canada and the other, from Gilgit-Baltistan, now lives in the US. Very recently they remarked, “India has the memory of a goldfish which lasts 7 seconds !” How comforting to know, no? Still Satiricus wonders…. Is not 7 seconds a little too long a period? How about borrowing Obama’s “nano-second”?

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