India That Is Bharat
It is perhaps a goof that Satiricus has a degree in Law. It is certainly better that he forgot the law he learnt to get that degree. For now he learns from the horse’s mouth sorry, from the legal eminences of the Supreme Court that there is no Indian law which says homosexuality is unnatural. What does that mean? It means Satiricus’s degree in the knowledge of law may be out and out outweighed by Satiricus’s degrees of ignorance of law. For he has been ignobly ignorant of any court order that Nature must abide by India’s law. Rather, he was labouring under the unlawful impression that Nature required Man and Woman to make Humankind, and therefore in the human world homosexuality is an un-Natural retard. For now the judges of the Supreme Court have, in their supreme legal wisdom, revealed to him that “homosexuality may be abnormal”, but “all abnormal sex is not unnatural”. Ah, an excellent explanation indeed, but the curious cuss that he is, Satiricus could not help wondering how could that be? In answer the Supreme Court learnedly explained: “There is a difference between unnatural, natural, and abnormal”. Good God ! Being an illiterate journalist Satiricus thought it was enough for him to know that the difference between natural and unnatural was the same as between chalk and cheese, and he did not have to go to a court of law instead of to a school to know it. This again shows that this simpleton simply does not know what’s what and what’s not. For as the Supreme Court judges eruditely expounded, “In each case it has to be proved that an individual act was against the order of nature.” Well, that settles it, no? But again this curious cuss keeps wondering if two men slept together in the same bed, by what “order of nature” were they doing so? The answer to that, alas, is beyond what passes for Satiricus’s intelligence. For the Supreme Court judges said “carnal intercourse” can be linked to “order of nature”, but “homosexuality may not be necessarily connected with carnal intercourse.” Here again bird-brained Satiricus feels flummoxed. For according to the dons of the dictionary, “carnal” has two meanings “of the body” and “sexual”, and “homosexuality” means “sexual attraction for a person of the same sex” (read ‘same body’). Does that not make homosexuality carnal by definition? Well, Nature may say so, but what does Nature know about Indian laws? For apparently according to these learned laws there must be a non-carnal variety of intercourse between two male bodies sleeping together.
To make this crass confusion in Satiricus’s bird-brain worse confounded, the Supreme Court judges said society has changed, showing increasing tolerance of live-in relationship. Of course, of course, and as a follow-up of this astute observation they have even provided legal cover for such a relationship. But then now could another judge (although not so supreme) condemn it in blistering terms? Only the other day this judge exhibited the outrageously unlawful audacity of disagreeing with this legal cover and termed such relations an “infamous western cultural product” and a “fad” that was “immoral”. Oh well, if immorality is supremely legal, who is supremely stupid Satiricus to judge the judges?
What do the Brits do when they have nothing better to do? They research. On what? Oh, the subject doesn’t matter. For instance, not long-back their research had led to the discovery of a list of 50 reasons that make them happy. Satiricus had taken this to mean that the Brits are 50 times happier than us Indians, who are recently reported to be the happiest people on the planet. But look at what has suddenly happened they have distressingly discovered a fearful, ‘phoney’ cause of unhappiness. According to a recent wretched report, “Nomophobia: Fear of life without mobile phones sweeping Britain.” “Researchers have found that two out of three mobile users are terrified of being without their phone.”
Satiricus is aghast. Being one of the happiest people on earth even without a mobile, he had no idea there could be such a thing as mobile misery. Fortunately, he knows a way for the Brits to get out of their wireless woes. It is a down-to-earth solution the landline telephone. That would prevent air-borne microbes of misery from menacing them. In fact, these microbes may migrate to America. For an American sect called the Amish community reportedly uses only mobiles and has banned landline phones, as they believe the devil may reach them through the wire !