India That Is Bharat
The other day there was a lot of panic about our democracy being in danger. Being a dedicated dynastic democrat, Satiricus was naturally alarmed. Fortunately, nothing very undemocratic happened, although Satiricus is ignorant of why whatever happened, happened. But that is all right. For Satiricus is an acknowledged ignoramus, and, according to abelieve-it-or-not report, although it is claimed that ignorance is bliss, it can also promote democracy, says a new study based on animal behaviour.
Well, now, Satiricus knows we are all, after all, biped animals; still he wondered how could this be? But of course there is a learned explanation for this democratic ignorance. It is that while past research has found that strongly opinionated members of a group can determine that group’s consensus decision even when they are a small minority, new research on animal behaviour now shows that adding ignorant or uninformed membersto the group can counteract the minority’s powerful influence and promote a democratic outcome.
There you are! Could there be a more erudite explanation of the virtues of stupidity? Even reputed retard Satiricus found it not-so-easy to swallow, but this research, published in an American journal called Live Science, was done by a team of scholars of the prestigious Princeton University in the USA, in which they used a number of computer models to investigate the decision-making process in various animal groups when a majority wants to travel in one direction and a minority wants to go in another.
All this assures Satiricus that ignoramuses like him are the bulwark of Indian democracy. In fact it seems Indian democracy is not only secure, it is doubly secure. For if the learned justice Markandeya Katju is to be believed, 91 per cent Indians are fools. Then who can dare to harm Indian democracy when ignoramuses and fools join hands to protect it from the remaining 9 per cent wise and learned?
In any case even this ignorant practitioner of the illiterate profession of journalism is secure in the knowledge that so long as the Dynasty rules us, Indian democracy will not only remain safe but will keep thriving. In fact Satiricus finds it thrilling to see how it has been thriving since the ancient age of Mrs Gandhi the First right upto the modern times of Mrs Gandhi the Second. He recalls, for instance, that during the imperial rule of Mrs Gandhi the First heir-apparent Sanjay Gandhi had started with a car repair garage in the old part of Delhi with just one mechanic as assistant. But what happened when Sanjay became the acknowledged successor to the throne? His mechanic ended up thriving as the owner of a dozen flats in New Delhi. Now we have another Mrs. Gandhi on the throne and another heir-apparent, who, claim the courtiers, “can become prime minister in the middle of the night if he wanted to”. The heroic crusader that he was, he tore into the opposition (and its printed manifesto) in the recent past. But what happened? It so happened that the voters failed to fall within the 91 per cent pro-democracy fools nor among the pro-dynasty ignoramuses. This clearly meant clear and present danger to democracy. So what was to be done to save it from the wretched, remaining 9 per cent? The obvious answer was, the Gandhian forces had to be reinforced. Fortunately this is easier done than said. For there is a Gandhi-Vadra on the way and even a Vadra-Gandhi. Robert Vadra has publicity urged wife Priyanka to join politics, and broadly hinted his time too will come.
In short, all the Nehru-Gandhis, Gandhi-Vadras and Vadra-Gandhis seem determined to join politics to save democracy from the people. But then what happens to the popular perception that politics is a dirty business? The answer is simple: With the Progressive Alliance in power there can be a progressive alliance between dirty politics and dirty television shows. So Satiricus was far from stunned to read recently in the papers that Rakhi Sawant, the queen of televised dirt, says it’s time an “item girl” became a Neta. So she wants to join politics. Well, now, isn’t that as it should be? For if, as Pritish Nandy wrote the other day, Indian politics is led by robbers, rogues and rascals, they can certainly welcome libidinous females of the species to join them, no? The papers further said Rakhi Sawant has been even visiting parliament to prepare for her future vocation.So far, so good. What is much better is that the papers also say that Sonia is Rakhi’s idol, and Rahul’s speeches inspire her. That does it! Now that the Congress needs better ammunition after the recent rout, could it hope for a better “bombshell” to obliterate the opposition? Satiricus thinks not.