Aiyar’s Dynastically Democratic Spirit

INDIA THAT IS BHARAT

SATIRICUS is greatly worried, but at the same time he is also greatly impressed. He is talking about Mani Shankar Aiyar. When the absolutely adorable Aiyar saw India’s abominably anti-secular elements, namely the boors of the Bharatiya Janata Party, sweeping the bird-brained Bharatiya Janata off its feet with a never-before majority, what was his righteous reaction? He had two—on the one hand he gave the frightening warning that the pernicious powers that be will now have “nefarious designs” which it will do its best (or worst) to carry out, but on the other hand he also demonstrated his dedication to democracy by dauntlessly declaring that it was the Parliament where those evil designs will have to be fought.

See? What would we Indian voters have done without such dazzling democrats as Mani Shankar Aiyar? Incidentally, his impeccable credentials in this respect helped otherwise forgetful Satiricus to remember something a friend had told him years ago—that Aiyar had once run after Sonia Gandhi with her chappals in his hands! Surely there cannot be a more convincing proof or more magnificent manifestation of this Congress leader’s dynastically democratic spirit.

And obviously with this faith in democracy, possibly fortified by the election results, that Aiyar has now called upon his party to fight the BJP’s dastardly designs in the Parliament on the floor of the House. That they have been floored in this house is no cause for concern when Rahul Baba and Mummy G are there. True, during the election campaign Smriti Irani had said, I was in Parliament for only two years but I asked 27 questions, while Rahul asked just two questions in five years. But what did that show? The answer is that it showed unquestioning faith in parliamentary democracy. Undoubtedly it was on the strength of this faith that Rahul declared after the election results, we will work as a strong opposition. Of course, of course. Indians of the Indian National Congress will certainly strongly oppose the Bharatiyas of the Bharatiya Janata Party—and Satiricus is sure it will be an epic spectacle. For it will be a breath-taking battle—282 BJP MPs versus….how many Congress MPs?….14?….24?….Sorry, sorry, 44, no?

But while Rahul launches his heroic assault inside the Parliament, what about the extinguished Congress leaders—who have been shown the door of the House-like, for instance, Mani Shankar Aiyar? After giving serious thought to this momentous matter Satiricus has come up with a suitable suggestion—Aiyar should set up a tea still outside the PMO of Prime Minister Modi.

Ma-Beta Can Do No Wrong

FINDING out the answer to the question of questions—who caused the Congress to fall flat on its face and get a broken nose in the election was a hard task, quite beyond the dim wit of dumb Satiricus. The ultimate idiot that he is, he thought the disastrous downfall was due to the Ma-Beta duo. But of course that is not the case. Why? Because that is never the case. If the king can do no wrong, as the adage goes, nor can the Congress queen, and certainly not the prince.

As a cute courtier brilliantly argued, it was the government’s failure, but Rahul was never a part of the government, then how can he be held responsible? Of course he cannot. But, argued others, those who gave him bad advice caused the catastrophic crash, so hang the hangers-on. Still, there were a few still bolder souls who loudly wondered…. If the givers of bad advice were responsible, were not the takers of bad advice equally so? Of course such talk of responsibility was too irresponsible not to be dismissed disdainfully. Finally, however, the one and only real reason of the Congress’ poll debacle has been found—it was the ad agency. Senior Congress leaders are reported to be “gunning” for Deytsu, a Japanese advertising agency that was hired for 600 crore rupees (only, as they say on a cheque) to advertise Rahul Gandhi. Well, now, what do you know? Satiricus knows as well as his grocer that in this age of enlightenment it is the package that sells, not the product, And the more inferior the product, the more superior the package needs to be. So clearly this Japanese agency failed to deliver. Did it not possess enough expertise to accurately understand that the product on sale was so obviously poor in quality that it would need the best possible package to cheat the customer into buying it? Oh, well, it seems advertisers can fool some customers most times and most customers some times, but they just cannot fool most customers most times.