Monday, 3 August 2020

Are Marriages Made in Heaven?

Updated: September 22, 2016 11:07 am

I have grown up hearing marriages are made in heaven. How, I have never understood this, has God executives with huge computers try to match at random, but whatever they fix we mortals in this world, unknowingly make a mess of it. Look at Prince Charles. God got him the beautiful Diana, virginal and all that but Charles could not get over the all-wrinkled Camilla Parker Bowles. God must be tearing his hair, golden coloured  I suppose, if he made the mistake of being match-maker of us mortals. In the west one out of four ends up in divorce. God’s executives would then have to try set up new candidates. And that means God will not have time for anything else then cleaning the marital mess we create.

So, I think some highly innovative persons thought up of the phrase to pass on our own follies to God.

However, what I know is that in the gone by decades which I call the golden era, either the crafty and manipulative naai (barber) or the panditji carried information about eligible sons and daughters in families. These two agents for brokering marriage were hardly representatives of Gods in heaven. The two were expert practitioners of guile, chicanery and falsehood. And they must have kept their suitcases packed to flee to destinations unknown if things got hot.

Then anyone who has come to Delhi or gone on Northern Railways, could not have missed, written in white all over walls for almost two miles–Shaadi Vahi Jo Pathakji Karaate Hain Apparently, Pathakji had eliminated God from having any say in human marriages. Now we have a surfeit of marriage bureaus, marriage counsellors and individuals, who are nosey parkers and  know details of sons and daughters in good families. They too are in business of getting couples hitched not for money but for beaming with prominence at the function made possible by them.

But there are believers, I came across on Hub pages. She has written ‘It is always said that the marriages are made in heaven! Its absolutely true for all! We are from India and love marriages are not so common there, like here in UK.  I met my husband in the university while doing masters course.  We were friends for years and I never imagined to go beyond this. The reason was my dad, he was totally against love marriages. He had already warned me not to think of love!

‘But love is something which you don’t generate but it grows within you and is beyond control!! When we finished our studies and returned back to our places then we realised that we were in love! My husband came to me and proposed me and then we decided to get married. The real thunder came when my dad came to know about this. I was trapped in the house and he said “I have fixed your marriage and you are going to marry with the boy of my choice”. He invited the groom and his parents for the marriage ceremony.

‘This is the story of year 1994. Nothing was left for me except begging and crying.  I was unable to think whether he is doing right or I am wrong. Many thoughts were coming into my mind, like may be my choice is not good, he is not in job yet ( as my husband was student then), may be my dad is thinking for my good etc etc. I wanted to run out of the house but I did not want to break my dad’s heart. The nature was also against me. I remember that evening, the sky was dark and was raining heavily from the morning. Water was everywhere, no bus,no taxi was running!

‘I was scared and hopeless. I closed my eyes and prayed to god “Oh God I want to marry DN (name of my husband), I have promised him, how can I marry with (sic) my dad’s choice”. if you think that I am right then please help me!!

‘When I opened my eyes then I saw the rain has stopped and the sky was becoming clear!! I could not believe my eyes! Frankly speaking there was no chance of this to happen. Suddenly I realised that the God is with me and I am not wrong. I was confident and full of energy to break all laws. I decided not to marry my dad’s choice. I took my things and went out towards railway station, caught the train and reached my husband’s place.

‘I joined PhD and then after two years we got married against my dad’s will. Just after two months, DN got a good job in public sector unit. I am a physicist in UK. We started from zero and now we have everything.  I have a cute son. He is now 10 years old.’

She believes her life is a gift of God. ‘He is blessing her continuously.  The things which are not in my favour, he don’t let it happen to me.  He is lighting my path. That is why I always think that mine is a spiritual marriage guided by the God himself.’

If one believes her then God seems to have closed this match-making for now almost all marriages in the west are love marriages and one in two end in divorce. I am sure God would not do such a shoddy job.

In India we have done well to blend the past and present—the boy and girl meet, spend some time together and then at some moment of ardour and passion either of them mention marriage.

Then families come into the picture. And all tests that over a considerable period of time have been found to indicate a happy union are carried out by the elders.

It will surprise many that often elders advice is heeded to.

God must be relieved to no longer be blamed for failed marriages. Narad, the mischief-maker, must have advised gods to let humans embrace to kiss to love or to scratch each other’s faces in a frenzy of hatred.

In any case, if marriages were made in heaven, they were, and are, consummated on Earth. So it is good that the bureaus, like that of Pathakji, and even corporate offices have taken over the match-making from God. As it is, marriage has diversified into living together, close friendship and plain elopement.

by Vijay Dutt

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