Sunday, 29 March 2020

Grammatical Essence of Secularism

Updated: July 17, 2015 4:35 am

SATIRICUS’s poor knowledge of English includes his poor knowledge of English grammar. He vaguely recalls learning in school that a grammatical sentence usually contains a noun, and at times also an adjective which qualifies the noun in some way, and so is secondary to the noun. So far so good. But then, grammatical wonders never cease, and one of them is that nouns can become adjectives and vice versa. When that happens, what happens? What happens is that the secondary word becomes more important than the primary word and vice versa.

Take these two nouns ‘Indian’ and ‘Muslim’. Why does everybody always talk about Indian Muslims and never about Muslim Indians? Because, as it has been explained to Satiricus, the communal cuss, the grammatical essence of secularism lies in the right noun between the two pushed down to the secondary position of an adjective. Thus syntaxic secularism requires that being Muslims is more important than being Indians.

This sequence is significant in view of the fell fact that India is frightfully full of Hindu Kafirs – 85 per cent damnable disbelievers as against 12 per cent blessed believers. As a wretched result, being Muslim Indians virtually means being Hindu – as even some leading (or misleading) Muslims have disgustingly declared. Chagla said he had a Hindu spiritual heritage, Najma Heptullah was furious at MF Husain for painting Hindu Goddess Durga fornicating with an animal – why, even the self-exiled Pakistani Muslim Anwar Shaikh called himself a cultural Hindu.

A serious situation, indeed! What can be done to save it? The only thing that the Indian Muslim Personal Law Board has done. It has called on Indian Muslims to save themselves from becoming Muslim Indians. That, they warn, is the only way Islam, which is always khatre mein hai in Darul Harab India, can be saved. Specifically they have said Vedic culture is against Islam, so Islam needs to be saved from it.

But how can that be? As Satiricus pointed out just the other week, has not a Pakistani intellectual revealed the historic fact that the Vaida (miscalled Veda) is actually the Indian edition of the Quran that Allah had given to Indians but which they distorted? So what needs to be done is not to save Islam from Vedic culture but to save Veda from the devilish distortions done by the Hindus so that it can again be made as Islamic as it originally was. When that is done, Indian Muslims can safely become grammatically correct Muslim Indians.

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