Pristinely Priestly Sin!
AN AMERICAN woman has gone to court with the demand that it should hold a trial to determine if homosexuality is a sin. She quotes verses from the Bible to show it is, and has demanded that homosexuals appear in court to prove it is not. Well, now, what do you know? If, as she argues, her case rests on the Bible, in the considered legal opinion of Satiricus its success would depend on which one of the Bibles she is quoting. For by the grace of the generous Christian god, there are many Bibles to choose fromâ€”or reject from. A fellow-American by name Charles Smith writes in his book Bible in the Balance that there are 27 books claiming to be Bible, then adds, alas, irreverently, â€œChristians deny the divinity of all Bibles except their own,â€”we deny the divinity of only one more.â€
To make her way out of this multiple mess, maybe this righteous lady should ask the Vatican itself which Bible to quote. But that again is ticklish, as the pious powers that be seem to abide by an exclusive edition. For if a report in an Italian newspaper called La Repubblica is to be believed, the Vatican is full of holy homosexual fathers, all occupying eminent positions. So if homosexuality has eminence in the centre of Christiandom, how can it be anything but supremely sinless?
In fact, these holy homosexual eminences even have a religious facility for righteous relaxation in the form of a homosexual nightclub. For according to a report in the British newspaper The Independent in April 2003, a cardinal Ivan Dias, known as â€œthe prince of the churchâ€ and other equally holy homosexuals have as many as 20 luxurious apartments right next to a homosexual nightclub called Europa. Of course it goes without saying that the shows in this nightclub are pristinely priestly. To quote the newspaper report : The nightclub advertises shows featuring hairy men dressed in priest costumes as part of a striptease act. Or, as per the clubâ€™s website, â€œBruno, a hairy, over- weight pastor of souls, is free to the music of his clergymen, remaining in a thong, because he wants to expose body and soul.â€
So the â€œmoralâ€ of the story, how can such Vatican-valued homosexuality be a sin? Or maybe it is â€œsweet as sinâ€, as an advert of a brand of chocolate puts it.