Sunday, 9 August 2020

Edible Edict

Updated: May 9, 2015 12:12 pm

India that is Bharat

HUNGRY kya? No problem. Eat your wife. Satiricus is not joking. That is the sage advice given to Saudi Arab husbands by a top-ranking torch-bearer of Islam in the homeland of Islam the other day. Men in Saudi Arabia “can eat their wives if they are suffering severe hunger,” permits a new Fatwa proclaimed by Saudi grand mufti Sheikh Abdullah. According to reliable reports, as the pet journalistic phrase goes, the Mufti has issued the edible edict to allow the husband to eat his wife’s body parts in extreme circumstances. Piously clarifying the religious reason behind the ruling he said it represents the “sacrifice of the woman and obedience to her husband.”

Well, now, what has Satiricus, an infidel idiot, have to say to that? In his ill-considered opinion, the Fatwa—wise as all Fatwas are—is distressingly discriminatory on more grounds than one. The first of them is that it prevents a ‘faith’-ful husband from eating his dear wife if he feels like a snack. Secondly, it does not extend this tasty titbit of theology to hungry husbands of the whole Muslim world outside of Saudi Arabia. And thirdly, what about hungry bachelors? There is a provision for instant Talaq in Islam, but is there a provision for instant Nikah to save the poor dears from the pangs of hunger?

In other words, this Fatwa, for all its appetising appearance, is not that easy to follow. But then, being a devout Muslim has never been easy. Not long back, for instance, an Islamic court had permitted a husband to beat his wife—but on the stringent condition that the marks of the beating must not, repeat not, be visible. See? How many Muslim husbands, for all their love for the wife, may possess the anatomical expertise required for this devout but difficult trick? And even for the starving Saudi husband there could be an unpalatable possibility—what if the better half turns out to be a bitter half?

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