Friday, 3 July 2020

Secular Gods Forbid!

Updated: May 2, 2015 4:27 pm

SECULAR satiricus is deeply disturbed. He sees an alarmingly growing number of abominably anti-secular events happening all around him in Bharat that is India. Consider. Satiricus’s favourite fifth-columnist, for whom knickerwala-bashing is a favourite pastime, actually says there is proof to show that communalism is not growing under the dyed-in-the-saffron-wool Prime Minister. When an eminent Roman Catholic writes that these days he is so frightened that he feels he is on a hit list, another eminent Roman Catholic debunks it as pointless paranoia and claims she does not feel threatened at all. Some Sunni Muslim leaders of India have petitioned the <knickerwala> Prime Minister to curb the spread of Wahhabism, the fount of Sunni Islam, and to cap it all, a leading Indian Maulana actually agrees with the RSS chief that all Indian Muslims are Hindus. What do all these terrible things mean? They can mean only one terrible thing—that Hinduism no longer means communalism.

This is catastrophic. For once Hinduism ceases to be synonymous with communalism and becomes the same as secularism; there will be any number of undesirable consequences. For starters, Sonia and Shahi Imam wouldn’t know what they should do with the secularism that was their life-breath so long. Will Shahi Imam be forced to issue a <fatwa> against those Muslims who want an erstwhile communal Hindu Prime Minister to save them from their own brand of Islam? And would Roman Catholic Sonia concede the fell fact that despite their devout din and noise Indian Christians are on no Hindu hit list?

Then again, once Hinduism ceases to be communalism, where will our secular media find those western intellectuals who fill their esteemed columns with precious pontifications on how teaching the Gita in Indian schools should be a no-no and how being a Hindu is being a dumbo? Why, even those secular salts of the earth who have just the other day objected to the “religious overtones” of a question on Yoga in recent school exams would be forced to take note of the recent US court verdict that Yoga has nothing to do with religion.

All in all, there are perilous portents that India may be doomed. India may be doomed to become Bharat. The secular gods forbid!—Wait, wait. Can even the secular gods forbid this from happening? How can they, when they themselves become Hindu gods?

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