Tuesday, 25 February 2020

It’s All A Chemical Locha

Updated: April 18, 2015 3:03 pm

IF FORGETFUL Satiricus remembers right, it was Churchill who once said, democracy is the worst form of government, but it is the best we have. So it behoves the Brits to keep their democracy in good health. That democracy is represented by their parliament, so the question is, are the British members of their parliament keeping their parliament in good health? Alas, that is doubtful, because they are themselves leading unhealthy lives. The other day the Times of London headlined a report declaring “British MPs are an unhealthy bunch.” When a set-up called Dod’s Parliamentary Service recently interrogated 100 MPs across party lines it was found that more than 20 per cent drank more than was good for their health, more than half failed to meet government recommendation about beneficial physical activity, and 70 per cent over-eat. This is indeed a sad state of parliamentary affairs. And if MPs are ailing and unhappy, how can their voters be otherwise? Would they not make for an ill-tempered electorate?

Here, however, another study has come to the rescue. This study assures British MPs that they don’t have to bother with special efforts to make the British people unhappy. For, believe it or not, “the British do not expect happiness”, claims a British writer—And he may be right, it seems. For research from a British university has found that Brits are genetically programmed to be grumpy! What does that mean? It means they are predisposed to be grumpier than other people because they possess a “short version” of the gene that regulates the supply to the brain of a chemical called Seratonin, which controls happiness.

Good God! Does that mean British happiness is under chemical control? And if it does, how about deregulating that control as per the amount of happiness required at any particular time or on a particular day – say, on a holiday, when there is no boss breathing down your neck to make you unhappy? Such a measure of measuring chemical happiness on a Sunday would be really welcome for neutralising the unhappiness of the coming Monday. For researchers at yet another British university have discovered that twitter-using Brits (which means virtually everybody) are more likely to use swear words in their posts on a Monday evening about the pressure of their jobs. Oh, well, this Indian’s advice to genetically grumpy Brits is, don’t worry, be happy even on Monday. And if we have genetically modified wheat and rice, how about genetically modified Brits?

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