India That Is Bharat
The unthinkable has happened, and Satiricus’s secular sensibilities are shattered to smithereens. True, the path of true love never runs smooth, nor that of true secularism. But thou too, Brutus, a.k.a. Digvijay Singh? The way Diggy deplorably damned Muslim communalism in secular India the other day in Congress leaders’ Samvad Baithak was an unimaginable, unforgivable expression of cussed communalism. That such a profound prophet of sacred secularism now denounces Muslim communalism can mean only one thing that this righteous religion is really khatre mein hai. So long it was a given that every terrorist attack in this country, from the 1993 multiple Mumbai bombings to the 26/11 war on Mumbai, was the fell doing of the fiendish RSS and/or every heinous Hindu outfit within sight. What happened to that immutable truth? Had not Digvijay Singh revealed it to us benighted souls when he publicly commended a book containing it? To secular Satiricus’s simple mind, it was a testament to his firm belief that but for the Hindu devil Bharat that is India would sooner rather than later become secular swarga. Then if this swarga, this paradise promised to the Believers, lies in the shade of Islamic swords, why are the swordsmen now being so recklessly reviled?
And as if this is not a steep enough downfall for our outstanding oracle of Congress secularism, Diggy had another severe shock for us dedicated disciples. When, the other day, Ram Jethmalani said “Ram was a bad husband” what did Diggy do? He actually said, “Ram Jethmalani’s remark on Lord Ram is condemnable.” Lord Ram? LORD Ram? Has Digvijay Singh forgotten that that lord’s Ram Rajya is now history? True, long, long ago, once upon time, the first Gandhi had talked of Ram Rajya, but he too is ancient history. With today’s Gandhi, Ram Rajya is out, Rome Rajya is in.
Anyway, if Digvijay Singh has been so calamitously careless about a ‘Lord’, he has been criminally careless about a lady Rakhi Sawant. She is going to file a suit of defamation against him on the ground that he defamed her by comparing her with Kejriwal when he said, “They both try to expose, but without substance.” Well, now, all comparisons are odious, and this particular comparison is anatomically obviously odious. So Satiricus quite agrees that what Singh said of Sawant defamed her. How can he say she “tries” to expose when she is an acknowledged expert at exposure? Would she be acclaimed as “Reality Show Star” if she did not make a startling show of her reality? And has not Digvijay Singh sullied her reputation by saying what she shows is of no substance? Are his spectacles so out of focus that he cannot see her spectacularly substantial assets? In fact they are so obvious (dictionary meaning “easily seen”) that Diggy does not need his glasses to feast his eyes on them. Is that not why he admitted at the end of his comment that he is a fan of hers?
Praiseworthy Pillars Of Democracy
After debunking Rama and exposing Rakhi secular Singh would be as happy as Satiricus to see that in the modern deva-secularist asura-sangram the devas have been worsted and driven out of official ceremonials. For the government of (secular) India has decided that visiting foreign parliamentarians would no longer be given ‘god’s gifts’, namely, a statuette of Nataraj Shiva, the deity of dance, or Ganesh, lord of learning. Instead they are now given wooden elephants, silk ties, brass plates, or marble lotā-s. That is a wonderful idea. For this way we the dynastic democrats of India can convince the parliamentary democracies of the world that democracy is safe in the hands of our Parliament and our Parliament is safe in the hands of 162 parliamentarians who are collectively charged with 522 crimes, including murder (14 cases), attempt to murder (20), fraud (11), kidnapping (13), and corruption of thousands of crores of rupees by such praiseworthy pillars of democracy as Suresh Kalmadi, A. Raja, Kanimozhi, Lalu Prasad Yadav, Mulayam Singh Yadav et al.
Importance Of 11.59am
Satiricus does not now remember when exactly he decided to became a pen-pusher politely called a columnist. In all probability it was when he finally realised that he was unfit for any profession that he wanted to follow except for journalism which he had not wanted to follow. So in a way he took that decision at the eleventh hour. Then was it good or bad? Satiricus did not know so long, but now recent research has informed him that taking a decision at the eleventh hour is not bad after all but the best part of the day to take an important decision is 11.59 a.m. OMG—Oh My God! Satiricus must have hurriedly decided at 11.58 to launch this column. Had he waited for one more minute he would have escaped the charge of murdering his readers by boring them to death.