India That Is Bharat
The fine art of putting your foot in your mouth is tough to master. It is not for small fry like Satiricus. It is for big shots like Congress leaders, like, say, Beniprasad Yadav. Of course in this area of expertise Beniprasadji is the monarch of all he surveys, and, like the fabled king Canute, his right there is none to dispute. Wait, wait ! “Is,” Satiricus said? Shouldn’t he have said “was”? For, for the first time ever, a BJP leader the party’s president, no less has tried his hand, just to show that Congress leaders too can have competition. If press reports are to be believed and being a man of the press Satiricus knows that they are not always to be the BJP president virtually equated Swami Vivekanand and Dawood Ibrahim when he (reportedly) said, “In psychology we measure IQ levels of people. If we compare the IQ level of Swami Vivekanand and Dawood Ibrahim, then it would be the same….” And then he went on to explain that it all depended on the IQ’s use or misuse.
Now the question here is that there are quite a few questions causing confusion worse confounded in what passes for Satiricus’s brain. In the first place, did the BJP president use even one of the standard IQ tests there are three, Binet Kamat, Seguin Form Board, and Vineland Social Maturity Scale to measure the IQ of these two persons before even verbally equating them? Satiricus has read somewhere that Einstein’s IQ was 160. It could well be that Satiricus’s own IQ is also 160. Well, maybe it may be minus, but that is a minor matter. Anyway, why did the BJP president not equate Vivekanand with Satiricus? Better still, why did he not equate Satiricus with Dawood? In the latter case it could have been a convincing comparison between an infantile IQ and an infinite IQ.
Anyway, the BJP president has gone and done it, and the Congress is righteously outraged. The party’s spokesperson indignantly asked, “Why should Gadkari link Vivekanand and Dawood Ibrahim? He can have Vivekanand in his heart, but he also has Dawood there.” Another Congress leader, a brand new minister, still more indignantly asked, “How can anyone compare one of India’s foremost thought leaders Vivekanand with a criminal like Dawood?” See? Between the two infuriated Congress leaders the BJP president must have realised that his comparison was an incomparable indiscretion.
But here again the curious cuss in Satiricus cannot help asking a couple of questions. Firstly, when the Congress spokesperson diagnosed that if the BJP president has Vivekanand in his heart he also has Dawood in the same heart, was it on the basis of some Congress cardiologist’s diagnosis of a medical condition called ‘enlargement of the heart’ because of which the BJP president has become large-hearted enough to accommodate both Vivekanand and Dawood together in it? Secondly, and far more importantly, when the Congress minister referred to Vivekanand as “one of India’s foremost thought leaders”, which thought did he have in mind? As secular Satiricus sees it, the only thought worth thinking in India that was Bharat is the Indian edition of secularism. Had Vivekanand even thought of having that thought? He once wrote, “Our sacred motherland is a land of religion….” Did he mean the sacred religion of secularism? At another place he wrote: “Religious researches disclose to us the fact that there is not a country possessing a good ethical code but has borrowed something of it from us, and there is not one religion possessing good ideas of immortality of the soul but has derived it….from us.” Was that one and only religion secularism, whose ethical code is being followed devoutly by the shining lights of the Congress from Raja and Kalmadi to Krishna and Khurshid? Why, the Swami even went to the crassly communal extent of openly talking about how to be an ‘ideal Hindu’ and even named Guru Govind as one such. Surely this should be enough to condemn him as “one of India’s foremost communal thought leaders”. For us sterling secularists, the Guru worthy to be always in our thought is not Guru Govind, it is Afzal Guru.
The law is an ass, and it seems constitutional law is no less so. Last year a schoolgirl wrote to the President and Prime Minister asking that Mahatma Gandhi be officially declared ‘Father of the Nation’. Now the Home Ministry has replied that the Constitution does not allow it. Too bad. So what can be done? Easy. Change it. Improve it. Have we not done it 90 times in 60 years? And in any case why bother with the Constitution? Constitutional authority is no match for extra-constitutional power. Ask any Gandhi—Sanjay, Sonia, Rahul….