Sunday, 9 August 2020

‘Pak’ Peace

Updated: October 8, 2011 11:00 am

 India That Is Bharat

 

Truth-seekers of yore, we are told, spent long years in search of truth. That waste of time is no longer necessary. We now live in an Instant Age, the age of instant everything, from instant coffee to instant e-mail. And what applies to coffee applies to truth. In fact, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about the war on terror that men all over the world (and mice in India) are waging became clear to stupid Satiricus the instant he read the Pakistan government’s advertisement in the Wall Street Journal the other day. The admirable ad asked in big, bold type: “Which country can do more for your peace?” And it instantly answered: “Only Pakistan.” It was a tremendous relief for Satiricus to be assured by this advertisement that this “nation of 180 million” is very valiantly “fighting for the future of the world’s seven billion”.

But do all the silly seven of the world’s billions know that? Alas, no. For the American readers of the Wall Street Journal were not exactly impressed. Many of them called the ad a “joke”, and asked, if that were so, how come world’s terrorist no.1 Osama bin Laden was safely hiding in Pakistan for years? But that is exactly where these doubting Thomases are wrong. Osama bin Laden was not at all hiding in Pakistan, he was living in a special, spacious bunglow—a stone’s throw from a military establishment. How can that be called hiding? In fact, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth of the matter must be that Osama bin Laden, the Prince of Peace, must have been a state guest of the Pakistan army, housed conveniently near an army establishment and working on the terms and conditions on which the world’s seven billion people (including infidel men and secular mice) can be offered the gift of peace on a Pak platter. After all, it was a complex exercise and took time; hence Osama’s stay in the land of “180 million” Pak warriors of peace for nearly a decade.

Unfortunately, there are pernicious people (including some Saudi Arabs themselves) who refused to be impressed with the peaceful credentials of Osama and/or Pakistan. Look at this silly Saudi lady Mai Yamani, daughter of Saudi Arabia’s former oil minister and author of Cradle of Islam. She recently wrote in The Daily Star of Beirut, Lebanon : “….the (Saudi) kingdom’s Wahhabi religious establishment has continued to bankroll Islamic extremist ideaologies around the world….Bin Laden….was a product of Wahhabism….the creation of a transnational Islamic movement (is) boosted by thousands of underground Jihadist websites….Saudi Arabia’s reserve army of potential terrorists remains intact. So the real battle has not been with bin Laden, but with that Saudi state-sponsored ideology factory.” And what about Pakistan? New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman has a two-word verdict—“Ditto Pakistan.” So all that Satiricus can say is—“ Osama is dead, long live made-in-Pakistan peace.

Hospital’s Hospitality

The business of America is business, somebody once said. Okay, but is that business that is the business of America a shop, a store, a factory—or a hospital? Well, anything that makes money is a business for Americans. And if a business needs customer-canvassing, so does a hospital, it seems. For, a hospital in America is said to have spent millions of dollars to hire pretty models, making them wear lab coats, short skirts, and high heels to attract men. These models visit shopping centres, flirt with male customers, and coax them to visit the hospital for a DNA test. Well, now, what do you know? Satiricus knows that medicare is big business in America, but he did not know a DNA test could be so delightfully glamorous.

Well, one lives and learns. Actually it is common knowledge that every business has to make some attractive offer to potential customers; but it is only American ingenuity that could come up with the uncommon idea of offering that attraction in short skirts and high heels. But why only DNA tests? Surely, there must be dozens of other tests that could be offered at different lengths of skirts and heights of heels. Seems it is time some imaginative American entrepreneur thought of linking outfits to outpatients through a corporate alliance between the doctor, the tailor and the cobbler.

 

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